Dear Christians, Abortion may be murder, but there is a reason it exists

Sophomore year of college, I sat in my friend’s car and listened as she talked about getting an abortion.  She was the type of person to laugh instead of cry, so she had this haunted chuckle with every word she spoke.  I didn’t need to tell her abortion was murder. She knew. But her boyfriend was pushing for it. She didn’t want to face her parents.  She was certain she would be kicked out of school and lose her scholarships if she went through with the pregnancy.

A few days later, I sat in her car again as she told me she went through with it.  This time she could not suppress the tears. I know the decision was traumatic for her.  I know she instantaneously regretted it. But the pressures of living the “perfect Christian life” at our Christian university made her so desperate that she was willing to secretly commit murder in order to keep up the facade.

A few months later, the same friend was pregnant again.  I think she was almost relieved. I think, in a way, she had prayed for a second chance to make the right choice.  This time she chose to keep the baby. All her original fears were realized. The boyfriend dumped her. Her parents pulled her out of school. She moved states away from all of her friends.  I eventually lost touch with her and I do not know if she ever finished school.

Pro-lifers are often under the impression that women have abortions because of selfishness but it is much more complicated than that.  Early abortions often occur because the mothers are scared and ashamed. Because, Christian nation, just as we stigmatize abortions, many of us judge and ridicule the unwed, young mother.  We put them on the defensive. How do you defend yourself against a judgmental society? How do you ensure that you do not “ruin” your future? You make a preemptive strike. Quietly. Behind closed doors.  Then you live with that choice.

Women are resilient.  They are survivors and they are fighters.  At some point, women got tired of hiding their shame.  So the fight erupted onto the streets. Why should women stand alone and ashamed when they are “fixing” a problem that society (and the church) does not want to deal with? Roe v. Wade made abortion legal.  Since then, countless laws have adjusted the parameters for a legal abortion, but the narrative and the dehumanizing syntax remains the same.

“You don’t want your fetus?  That’s fine. It is only your body.  We can take care of the clump of cells for you.” 

Pro-lifers and pro-choicers take to the streets to ensure that their voices are heard.  Pro-lifers chastise the pro-choicers as murderers. Speaking from personal experience, calling people horrible names does not evoke repentance.  It, again, puts them on the defensive. How do you convince yourself that you are not a murderer? You get the law to justify the act and then focus on others’ shortcomings.  Pro-choicers have the law that states they are doing no wrong. They cling to this fallacy. They accuse the pro-lifers of caring about fetuses more than the mothers or neglected children who are already here.  I can see their argument. After all, the pro-life protests seem to get a lot more attention and support than the foster care system.

The cycle continues.  In the end, no minds are changed.  No individuals are helped. No extra seats are filled in churches on Sunday.  Thousands of people are just hurting, and attacking each other because of the hurt.


Abortion is murder.  But to our secular world, it is a necessary solution.  If you want it to become unnecessary, be the light.  Take care of the mother. Offer her options– prenatal care, an education, adoptive families if she wants one and parental support if she does not. Stop focusing on changing the law and focus on changing people’s hearts for Christ.

I have two daughters.  I hope to instill in them the preciousness of keeping one’s purity until marriage.  However, if either daughter ever comes to me and says she is pregnant, I will love that baby and I will love her.  Unconditionally. I will not stow her away in shame. (Because, newsflash, I am a sinner, too.)

If you’ve had an abortion, there is mercy.  King David himself committed murder to cover up an unexpected pregnancy (2 Samuel 11).  Yet even after this, he was considered a man after God’s own heart. Jesus never ridiculed or rejected people who recognized their shortcomings.  He applauded them for their humility and he enabled them to do wonderful things in his name.

If you are the Christian family member or friend of a woman who has found herself unexpectedly expecting, love her.  Show her grace. Celebrate that life. Conception is not a sin. Walk with her through the journey of pregnancy. Help her find adoptive parents if she wants that, or support her as she transitions to motherhood, if she chooses that route.  Both are good.

If you are a potential mother, who is trying to make an almost impossible decision, know that I understand what is being asked of you.  You are being asked to sacrifice your time, your energy, and your body for a minimum of nine months. Giving birth to a baby that you don’t want is a completely selfless act.  There is nothing easy about it. But please consider it. Pray. Even if you have never prayed in your life, I promise God will hear you and He will care. I promise you He will put people in your life to help you.  Consider adoption. I have seen plenty of couples experience the joy of adopting, and it is beautiful.

One last thought:  Jesus did not come to change the law, he came to save people’s souls and change their hearts.  It is heartbreaking that the federal government supports abortion. But the government is a finite entity.  It does not exist outside of this earth. It cannot overcome Christ’s love. It cannot suppress God’s voice.  

In our fallen world, abortion has plenty of reasons to exist and mothers have plenty of reasons to choose it.  Be the light, so that those reasons become obsolete.

76 thoughts on “Dear Christians, Abortion may be murder, but there is a reason it exists

  1. Hearher

    This is beautiful. It’s so sad the amount of condemnation that Christians place on other Christians, or worse what Christians place on those who don’t know the grace, mercy and hope of our savior. How can we hold them to the standards of a perfect God if they don’t have a relationship with the one who offers perfect love, free grace and overflowing mercy?
    Sadly none of us are very good at trusting and believing that someone could love us so much that they don’t condemn or look down on us for the poor decisions we each make daily.
    I wish Christian women were better at loving and walking with each other thru hard times instead of judging them from the sidelines.
    I pray everyone comes to know the freedom and mercy found in knowing Christ. And is able to move past shame and regret into loving hope for a future free from them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anonymous

      I was raped at 19 and was trying to put it behind me when I learned that I was pregnant. I wanted to kill myself…I couldn’t bear the thought of carrying the monster’s offspring and had an abortion. My Christian mother called me a murderer as I was leaving the house to go get the abortion. She acted like it was the best news in the world when I told her I was pregnant and I just wanted to die when I found out… That was the worst news I’ve ever had. I wasn’t considered at all through all of this, what I was going through, nope, just ‘the baby’. Only the baby. Not the trauma on top of trauma I had to deal with…Now I read what people call girls and women that get an abortion (yes, some of them got pregnant through rape/incest before even being a teenager!) and it just makes me sick all the judgment and hatred…I’m now a Christian in spite of other Christians I’ve been around growing up and ALL the credit goes to God for that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kelli Fredricksen

        I’m sorry you went through all of that. I’m a product of rape and it makes me feel like I shouldn’t be alive when I hear stories like this. I praise God that almost 50 years ago my birth mom chose to give me a chance. My adoptive parents were the most Godly parents and loved me as their own. I struggle with self worth knowing how I was conceived until I remember that God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m very happy you have moved on with your life.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Anonymous

        I am so sorry you had to go through this sad experience. Remember, you are first God’s child and I know He was right by your side every step of the way. Don’t ever be afraid of the opinions of others. His is the only one that matters and He loves unconditionally 💖


      3. Esme

        For those seeking Christian counseling after abortion please look up Project Gabriel. For those who are pregnant and need assistance, counseling, initial ultrasound, guided care for adoption, and financial assistance, please look up Pregnancy Resources. Pro-life advocates in many places have considered the hurt and pains of abortion, and we understand that as a new mother there are sacrifices that would have to be made, but I’m hurt that ALL Christians pro-lifers have been made out to be those who look down on someone seeking abortion. We have several prayer warriors here in our town who commit to praying for mothers who are expecting and those contemplating abortion. The hard truth is that killing another person is murder, but as true Christians we practice forgiveness and mercy. When you take another’s life intentionally, you are abruptly saying that His plan is not your plan. These things also must be considered.
        I understand that today’s society has made things legal, but because they are legal, does not make it right in the eyes of God. For those who are Christian’s we are called to hold each other accountable, so that we ultimately seek to do what is good and what is right. But we are also called to have mercy and sacrifice things in life as Christ sacrificed His life for us. We should all seek to be the light Christ has asked us to be, but when darkness is easy to follow, some will continue to chose that path. Jesus never said that following Him would be easy, in fact He said just the opposite and unfortunately in today’s world, emotion out ways truth, so those who have read this article and say “Yea, that’s why I did it,” may feel justified, but your actions will be accounted for, and unless you seek the forgiveness of Christ, and are truly sorry for your actions, this too will continue to weigh on your soul.
        So I say to you, fight for life, not only when it’s easy, but especially when it’s hard.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Ginger

      We also need to do a better job educating our daughters about contraception, so they are not faced with the terrible I need for an abortion. I know too many good Christian parents who taught only abstinence and ended up with pregnant daughters. Yes, I want our girls to wait until they are married, but I also want them to know how to prevent pregnancy if they decide not to wait. It is a fact of life from the beginning of time.


      1. Gen

        Amen. I was raised in a Christian home and taught that abstinence was my only option before marriage. When I became sexually active in college. I did not go on birth control because I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. I was very fortunate to not get pregnant. A wise Christian woman later advised me to get on birth control. I went to Planned Parenthood and they helped me out including yearly Pap smears which helped prevent cervical cancer as I did end up with cervical dysplasia and was treated for it


    3. Fran

      I disagree, Christians no longer put shame with being pregnant, maybe before the 1950s and even then many families had children of unwed mothers. Although Catholics push dating, commitment and marriage because it brings the most happiness to families and community, they do not shun unwed mothers. They may get upset that the girl is pregnant without being married but they do all they can to help her. Even those at an abortion clinic try to let the girls know they can be helped. Many who have abortions are victims of rape, incest, adultery, one-night stands with a jock or superhero who want no responsibility for the child they have created. It is always a shock to the family especially when the girl has not been dating the father for a while, but they come around as soon as the feel the baby kick in their child womb. Probably every family has had a child born out of wedlock in their history, a couple who were pregnant before marriage. Many also have had self-abortions where the woman almost died and never had a child again. But most welcome a child into the family because it is a blessing. They also try to have other young girls not make the mistake of aborting her child.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. anonymous

        With all due respect, as a single, unwed mother, I can fully attest to societal shaming and shunning. Is it more subtle than it used to be? Certainly. But it is still present. As a new mother, my conversations with other mothers would go something like this: “So what does your husband do?” “I’m not married.” “Oh, look at the time, I must go!”

        So single, unwed mothers are not welcomed into the fold of married motherhood but instead treated like a communicable disease.


    1. Anonymous

      Thank you for this! It had me in tears. And reading the comments had me bawling. This is the first time I have ever encountered anyone say the side that most people don’t know about these decisions. I wish there were more people that understood this to be able to talk to


  2. Jacquie

    Yes to all of this article! I couldn’t agree more. Support to end abortion! Use taxpayer dollars to fund adoption. We are losing our way as a society. That’s what happens when you remove God and morality from public places.


    1. A Young Person's Message


      Perhaps it would be a good idea to read Kristin’s letter again. It is not about changing how funds are allocated and it is not about rallying support to simply ‘end abortion.’ Instead, as Christians, we need to find love in our hearts and be graceful to those around us. If you go around simply with the goal of disagreeing with our pro-life sisters and brothers in God, then you do not show love to the sister who is put in this utmost challenging position–to abort the baby and feel she needs to keep her pain and grief a secret or keep the baby and face YOUR judgement. There is no winning when you respond in this way. Please keep this in mind for the future.

      -A Young Person

      Liked by 1 person

  3. janalovespaper

    This post is right on!
    It’s sad, but so true. Anyone who has ever had any experience watching someone make that horribly painful decision, or has struggled with the decision themselves, knows the gut-wrenching agony that comes with it – whether they go through with it or not. I am a Christian and a pro-lifer however, like you, I don’t feel it’s my place to judge…but to love. Our world has definitely changed dramatically in moral thinking and abstinence is harder than ever. It’s what we instill in our children for moral reasons, including the fact that God intends for sex to only be with one person, your spouse. But there are so many reasons He mandated that command. There is so much hurt and pain that comes with sex before marriage. It’s a closeness that should only be shared with your spouse. When you have sex before you’re married, you actually give part of you away that belongs to one God chooses for you. It hurts you, your future spouse, and God. The sad part is, you don’t know what baggage you’ll carry into future relationships and marriage until it’s too late.

    I love your blog and can’t wait to read future postings!


  4. Anonymous

    How on earth is abortion a necessary solution? As Christians, we believe in God because he is our solution not to take matters into our own hands. I pray you see that many pro-lifers do come off judgmental but if it wasn’t for us putting up a true fight, others would be misled by statements such as it being a necessary solution.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Anonymous

      I am sure you feel the same way about how those with diabetes should just accept that God meant for that to happen, and live with it. After all, if He wanted your pancreas to work correctly, he would have given you a good one to start with!


  5. caroline pinkard

    Laws must change to hold the doctors and nurses accountable for their actions, which is murder.
    And yes, I absolutely believe in adoption. And yes, I am pro-life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Caroline,

      Thank you for your input! I also am a Christian, and pro-life. In an ideal world, I would love for the law to change. However, the pro-life movement currently does not have the support to change the law. In order to gain that support, I am suggesting we focus on eliminating the need for abortion. Focus on the mothers themselves, and loving them, so that they no longer see abortion as a viable option. When the people who are fighting for abortion see that the alternatives are abundant, they will be more likely to choose life. (Of course, to me, an abundance of alternatives includes: easy access to safe birth control with few side effects, improved education and job training, and improved research/treatments/cures for the defects that drive some women to choose abortion.)

      Yes, the law could change. But abortions don’t have to continue just because the laws allow it. We can put abortion clinics out of business just by taking care of its potential clients.


    2. K.M. Bastian

      Thank you Kristen for dialoguing for women to help,guide, and counsel for life.
      Precious baby’s lives are in the balance as well as their mother’s lives. Girls and boy’s at quite a young age should be taught God’s standards for sex. The enemy of our souls is always tempting us to participate in God given blessings in God forbidden ways. God loves His girls and wants them protected from the pain and abuse that comes from our “hooking up” culture. We don’t have enough parents teaching their kids God’way. Taking personal responsibility for our decisions isn’t too popular today either. Kids sometimes don’t know it only takes having sex once to make a baby. Once a baby is on the way, loving response toward mom is the only option. Two lives are in the balance. I have had friends through the years who’s daughters became pregnant. In every case these girls were loved , supported and prayed for. Perhaps my situation is unusual, perhaps I had great friends. That baby was their grandbaby and would be brought up loved. I know the church isn’t perfect but there is alot of resources and good being done for moms. What ever age married or single. Keep looking until the Lord leads you to a loving support system to help you through to a decision that won’t haunt you for the rest of your life. If you have had an abortion, God will forgive and bring you to a place of peace. Don’t let anyone drive you to abortion. Trust the Lord He loves you and your baby. He will make a way.


  6. Share

    This has truth.
    But you need to also add that single, teen girls are not the only ones getting abortions.

    Married women, married women with children already, (even in the church) do have abortions.
    Before anyone else even knows about the pregnancy.

    Feeling they have to in order to save their marriage because divorce is also considered a cardinal sin.

    And Out of love for their child, knowing their abusive husband (who is defended by the church) will abuse and beat the child and that they can’t make it to the point of adoption without their husbands consent, which will not happen.
    You’d rather give your child back to God.

    And some of these comments. Seriously?
    As if having sex with only “the one” will rid your life of these issues
    many of these women have only been with one person. Saved themselves for marriage and it all to turned out to be a lie. And they are stuck. Because so many say “you made vows in the presence of God”.
    Well the spouse did also, and broke those vows over and over. And they felt they had to do what they needed to in best interest for the child, already other children and themselves in order to escape before it got worse.

    And they’ll never be able to speak about it without being judged even more, for not only leaving and divorcing, but for an abortion.

    Please don’t lie to your daughters ether, saying “Save yourself for marriage” as if all your troubles will be over and you’ll live happily ever after.

    Because then they’ll feel it’s their fault if/when their husband chooses porn, or a mistress over them. Even though their husband was also raised in a Christian home and church every Sunday.

    Your point is correct. It’s a fact, we live in a broken sinful world. And as long as there is free will, There will always be these hard decisions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing! I realize I did not cover the circumstances of every individual woman! It is not possible to do that in a two page blog post, so I did not try. I only included the words that God laid on my heart to share today.

      I also understand what it is like to feel trapped/abused in a relationship, and I am working on other blog posts that will highlight these struggles more specifically. I hope you will read them.

      Also, I agree that saving oneself for marriage isn’t a guarantee of safety! I have been blessed with a great spouse, but I know that not everyone is.

      Finally, if you are one of the people who you describe, please know that there is a Christian community willing to support you, even if the “Christian” community you are currently in is not supportive.

      Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.


      1. Anonymous

        This post was water to me today.

        I’m going to say something controversial.

        I am fully behind supporting life. So much so that I carried, birthed, and am raising a child I suspected to be conceived in rape, and I nearly died in the process.

        I also believe that legislating morality is destructive. I am 100% for all abortions being legal until such a time as we eliminate the need for them either by rising up as a church and providing for mothers and children in need (because who alive does not owe everything they have to someone’s gracious gift of a womb?!), or by developing technologies that allow for life to continue in artificial wombs/environments, or fetal transplants, or changing the legislation to allow a woman to induce a viable child. The job of the law is to protect the rights of all, including people with reproductively available wombs. In no other case does the law require one person to risk as much as one hair on their head to save the life of another, even if the risk is small. You are legally allowed to stand at the edge of a river with a rope and watch someone drown. Should you? That is not a legal discussion, and the law can not constructively answer it, because to do so places an unjust legal burden on one party.

        If you believe abortion is murder, or if you believe that all life is worth cherishing, either way, the life-giving path forward is one that includes affirming the social rights of persons who are reproductively vulnerable, and probably includes putting time/money/effort/research/lobbying toward laws that equally affirm the value of the life of the mother and the child, as well as toward medical technologies that make abortion obsolete.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Nia

      It is true that we must consider all the various situations that can lead to such a hard decision. That is why we need to truly educate our children. All the problems in our societies start in the home, all of them. Because society is made up of families and how these children are educated impacts the decisions they make. Sons need to be taught that women are precious and should be cherished and protected. Daughters need to be taught their value and to submit first to the Lord so that He can guide her to make the right decision as to who she will marry. Both need to be taught to love the Lord with all they have and all they are so that they can learn what a suitable spouse is and how to be one themselves. Men need to understand that they damage their own lives (as well as the woman’s) when they insist on sex outside of marriage (or porn or whatever). We all need to come to realize how valuable we are in the sight of God, we, each one of us, are worth the life of His own Dear Son.

      And for those already in a bad situation, their is hope as long as you are willing to let God fix it for you instead of trying to “fix” things yourself. Things always turn out worse when we try to fix our own mistakes. Don’t believe the lie that God will not hear you or that He doesn’t care or that you’ve gone too far and that He wants nothing to do with you. If He were like that, we wouldn’t exist, He never would have sent His son. He will always love, want and help you, ALWAYS.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Carolyn

      I’m sorry for your bitterness. You must have been hurt badly. God’s command is no sex outside of marriage and one mate for life. But he is a loving God and is faithful and just to forgive our sin. He forgave me. Don’t bash God for his commands.
      Christians are not perfect people and do not expect others to be. Stuff happens, God forgives, as should his children.
      Abortion is murder. But if you choose it, God will not desert you.


  7. Nia

    Thank you for writing this very balanced article. It is my prayer that we as professed followers of Christ will rise to this most noble cause. Jesus came to save lives, so that should be our mission too. God bless you!


  8. Jon

    Very well written and good points. However, one point being glossed over is that abortion, in most cases, is still murder. The allowing of a taking of an innocent life by SOCIETY is what is wrong. Also, the absence of male responsibility needs to be legally and socially addressed.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Sherry Quackenbush

      The author has many valid point which I appreciate. Regarding your commment that “in most cases, abortions is murder” I am curious- in what case would abortion not be murder?


      1. Susan Kunkel

        A tubal pregnancy, when ended by a physician, is called an abortion. If he does not end it, both the baby AND the mother’s life is at risk. The baby can’t survive in the tubes…and if not removed will also endanger the life of the mother.


      2. Ginger

        I agree with all of your points in this (as well as the tone) except where you urge asking god to help and he will bring someone into your life. In cases where there was not already a person or people in your life who cared, no, most likely he won’t. You will be alone, struggling, suffering, poor, stressed, bullied and shamed by people who may never have genuinely struggled or been forced to trust god a day in their whole lives. And they certainly won’t help. Be real, think this through. Someone might point this girl and her baby to the welfare office. She might survive on the baby’s wic and food stamps for a few years. Daycare is too expensive to pay for on an entry level job, as is rent and maintaining a car and food. The wealthy church might pay her power bill once, or let her into the food pantry or the clothes closet. But will all those comfortable families with 3500+sf homes make room for a girl who needs the support of a family, someone to show her how to be a mother, and not punish her for choosing life? If they aren’t then it’s just a slogan.


    2. Carran

      This article did make the point that abortion is murder and what King David did was also murder. It was clearly spoken in this article. How could you miss it? I agree 100% on the fathers taking responsibility. Men think its just tissue more than women do. Its easier to believe that for men.


  9. Ttroth

    My mom had my sister when she was 17. Many encouraged her to abort. Christians encouraged her to keep my sister. I certainly trust you are coming from a loving place and are %100 correct that the gospel must be lived out by Christians to offer safe and supportive care for women dealing with unwanted pregnancies. And I think I understand what you are saying I just have not heard this over-arching kind of judgement in Christian circles. Yes, there’s an occasional look of disgust or judgment but thankfully by and large this is not what I have seen from fellow believers. I hear Christians portrayed like this in the movies and in the media but not in real life. Fear of judgment can come from a deep mixture of our own pride, shame and guilt which Christians should know we are free from in Jesus. Yes his grace is sufficient in all circumstances, including covering those who have committed abortion but Abortion has not ever been, is not, and will never be, necessary. There are hundreds of thousands of couple waiting to adopt. My hope is one day we will look back and the tragedy that is legal abortion and look upon it with as much remorse as we do now with slavery. Did our laws about slavery need to change? Oh yes. Our laws permitting abortion do as well.


  10. Very Concerned reader.

    I understand and applaud your heart of compassion.
    I agree that we must be loving, supportive and kind to mothers in difficult situations.
    We must support, encourage and help mothers at all stages and care for babies and all humans, including adoption, foster care, etc.

    However, there are a lot of unbiblical assumptions and claims you make here that are leading others astray…

    One assumption you make is that there is no moral culpability for pregnancy out of wedlock generally. (I’m not talking about the outlier argument of rape – the woman obviously is not responsible in such cases.)
    God has established his divine moral law and it is good and best for humanity.
    God is not anti-law – but He uses the law to bring conviction.
    We should not stop trying to bring God’s grace to humanity through legislation – that is called common grace.
    Jesus wasn’t anti-law – He said not one jot of the law would pass away but He came to fulfill the law and bring people to repentance and faith in Him.
    Grace is not anti-law.
    Grace fulfills the law.

    You also made the incorrect claim that “Abortion is necessary”.
    No, abortion, like murder, or other sins are never “necessary”. That is a terribly unbiblical phallacy which leads people to excuse and justify their sins. You have a platform. Be wise in not leading people astray and into sin. You’re accountable for what you write and how you influence others.
    I understand that this is a very grievous and difficult subject. I support your desire to show mercy and seek justice. Please don’t contradict God though.
    Humans are always morally culpable and responsible for their own actions.
    Abortion is never necessary biblically. Abortion is always wrong. There is always an option in abortion – even though that may be intensely hard.
    Excusing sin because it’s difficult is no excuse.

    Let their be love and let their be grace. But do not throw the baby out with the bath water.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Concerned Reader,

    Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate the constructive criticism, as it strengthens my future writing. I did consider many of the points you present prior to writing, so I would like to respond:

    (1) Moral culpability and the concept of divine law. Yes, if we break God’s law then we are both legally and morally culpable TO HIM for breaking that law and we will answer TO HIM for our sins. But it doesn’t mean that we always have to answer to each other. Christians often site the Epistles of Paul to non-Christians as admonition for their behavior. But those letters weren’t written for non-Christians, they were written for the people who were already saved. Those letters are for people who have past the “baby stage” of Christianity and are ready for stronger convictions and deeper exploration. (Note: I’m not saying that the lessons in these letters are always inappropriate for non-Christians or “baby Christians.” But we can’t skip the gospels, where Jesus hangs out with the tax collectors and prostitutes. Belief in the gospel has to come before gaining an understanding of Paul’s letters.)
    Regarding the judgment of having a child out of wedlock- Motherhood is hard enough when you have the support of others. We don’t need to make it harder on the mothers just because they didn’t do it God’s way. (And– I stand firm in this– conception is NOT a sin, regardless of how the baby is conceived. The baby is ALWAYS a gift.)

    (2) Grace isn’t pro-law, or anti-law. Grace transcends the law. Grace occurs when someone has sinned, and we choose to help them rather than punish them. Ok, someone had premarital/extramarital sex (the sin) and got pregnant (not a sin)… the only way to show them grace is to say, “Yea, you broke the (biblical) law. But instead of judging you and telling you you’re wrong, I’m just going to love and support you.” (FYI, people aren’t stupid. We don’t always need to remind them of God’s law, especially if they’ve heard it before.)
    Your reference to the Law in Matthew 5 is referencing the Old Testament laws that the Jews followed, not the (temporary) law that the Romans enforced. The pro-choice laws are the laws of our (temporary) government.

    (3) I do want to add some clarity to the necessity of abortion. I am 100% pro-life, and I agree that it isn’t ever actually necessary. However, I understand why some people believe it is. When I reference the reasons for abortions, I’m not claiming that these reasons are legitimate in the eyes of God. However, on earth, reason is often dependent on emotion. Emotionally, these women feel like they NEED to get an abortion in order to avoid (fill-in-the-blank). If we provide them with tools that eliminate that feeling of necessity, then I believe far more women will make different choices.

    Feel free to discuss this further. I really enjoyed thinking through my responses! Your words are also inspiring future blog posts. My brain is aflutter with ideas!


    1. Josh

      Kristen, I think you did an excellent job explaining yourself the first time. You very clearly stated, “Christians, Abortion is murder. But to our secular world, it is a necessary solution.” Most of our secular world won’t care how certain we know that abortion is murder until they know how much we care about the people making these tough decisions.
      And also thank you for asserting God’s role as Judge. Every Christian needs to know that it is not our responsibility to judge, only to love. If, at some point in a relationship, someone asks what we think they should do, please tell them truthfully what Scripture says. But a stranger honestly doesn’t care what we have to say about their choices, however “righteous” our intentions may be.


  12. Channing B

    Thank you so much for this post! I agree with you but to be honest, I have not always been so gracious to people in sin or who commit sin. It has taken years to see how it’s not my place, even as a Christian, to condemn a non-Christian or even another Christian for their sins. The greatest commandment is for us to LOVE above all otherwise we are like a clanging noise instead. Clanging noises are repelant and annoying, they aren’t inviting or soothing, two charateristics that I believe Jesus Christ, himself, possessed while on Earth. Especially as Christians, we would do well to remember that sin is not measured on a scale and that all sin separates and divides us from God. No one was ever brought to Christ by judgment, they are brought to Him by conviction and that’s the work of the Holy Spirit, not human condemnation. Bringing women out from under the cloud of darkness (fear of the future, uncertainty, doubt) that often surrounds decisions of abortion by giving them hope for a future (support, financial and personal), is the greatest gift that we can give a hurting mother. Let us be Light instead of keeping them in the dark!


  13. Kristie

    Sadly, you are spot on when it comes to Christians doing more harm than good when it comes to unplanned pregnancy and abortion. I would encourage the women you spoke to who might be in this situation to contact their local pregnancy resource center. These are safe, non-judgmental places where you can find loving people who will help you sort through your options. They never advocate for abortion, but they will help you make your decision, offer resources that might make parenting or adoption a more realistic option, and love you regardless of what you decide.


  14. Donna

    Thank you for this thoughtful article…hope for the hurt. I agree that the church has come down judgmental and cold on this issue. Until one walks through this long lonely valley it is best to “be still”.
    None of us knows who we may know within our churches who has been there.
    We need to stand firm against this holocaust but exercise the fruit of the Spirit. Jesus….was so kind, loving, and gracious…in dealing with the woman at the well, and the woman taken in adultery he didn’t approve, but he didn’t condemn.
    God help those of us who have arrogantly looked down at those who haven’t known where to turn. I’m SO glad our Heavenly Father has the final say…he will make it right in the end. Thank You God!
    Again thank you for this article.


  15. Shea Roberson

    I heard Angie Smith at IF:Gathering2019 say, “we need to be the Christians, not in front of the abortion clinic with picket signs, but at the back door of the abortion clinic, meeting the women that comes out the door with a hug and the love of God. We need to tell them that God loves them just as much now as he did when she walked in the front door.” I want to be the backdoor Christian!


  16. Diana F

    Kristen, as I have read through your post a couple of times, I hear your heart for private ministry to those in the midst of a difficult decision where there are swirling emotions such as fear, confusion, desperation, etc. I believe we in the church need to understand the importance of care given from the position of being “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man is not produced by the righteousness of God” [Jam 1:19-20]. I join you in the belief and aim to practice life giving support of the gospel of grace and truth to those who come hungry and humbly to receive it. Unfortunately not all women fit the profile of the young college woman you described.

    Planned parenthood and a number of other such organizations promote the idea that abortion is not murder. In my own family I’ve had conversations with some who don’t believe it is good to “think of myself in the terms of sin.” What I see happening is there is a searing of consciences because they “suppress the truth” which then leads to become “futile in their thinking” [Rom 1:18-25]. So I’m learning not to assume every situation, each individual, can be treated the same because each comes into a situation like this very differently. Oh how we need the wisdom & love of God to know what and how to speak into each life or group of people!

    This brings my thoughts to a need to acknowledge a difference between private ministry and public ministry. From the pulpit and other like platforms in which God’s word is preached, I wonder of your perspective of how those in public ministry are to handle talking about abortion, the sexual immorality often leading to it. As I understand Paul’s words in Romans, the law has a purpose which is to bring knowledge of sin, not to be justified by the works of law, but to receive the righteousness of Christ which frees us from bondage to sin which under the law we can not do. I wholeheartedly believe even in public ministry, it should be spoken of with sensitivity that there are people all over the spectrum on these issues. The truth of God’s law should be always coupled with the good news of Jesus Christ, a call & equipping of the church to come alongside those considering abortion or who are post-abortive while giving a clear invitation to those in this position to come forward with their burden so “we can help you carry it.”

    You also mentioned in one of your comments that often Christians attempt to admonish non-Christians through the letters of Paul. I agree that it is important to have discernment of who the audience is in front of us and that there are places where Paul is talking specifically to and about Christians. However, I am uncertain why you said these letters are not addressed to baby Christians but those who are more mature. Just prior to admonishing the Corinthians regarding sexual immorality, he says this about them,”But, I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with mild, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now, you are not yet ready, for yo are still of the flesh” [1 Corinthians 3:1-3]. He seems to consider them “baby Christians.”

    From a personal perspective, when I was walking in sexual immorality in my young years, I did not have people speaking truth into my life from a private ministry place. In fact because the sexual revelation had more recently taken such a presence in our nation, at that time, I see how some (not all, I imagine) of the church was reeling with the fear of being intolerant or unkind if much or anything was said about God’s ways with sex and marriage much less about abortion. I did not have clear boundaries at least in part because I wasn’t taught clear boundaries. And of course understanding that I could not hold these boundaries by living in the flesh but in the Spirit would have needed to come right alongside this knowledge of godly boundaries. I have found freedom today from my shame and brokenness due to my sexual failings because by the grace God He has given me teachers who clearly state what is sin and what is righteousness as well as teaching me that there is forgiveness at the cross for all the years the locust has eaten.

    I’m grateful and glad for your openness to ponder, wrestle with and discuss these deep, hard and sobering issues. I, like you, want to consider others perspectives on the issues, yet I desire to keep God’s word and ways in front of us as we do this together. Let’s keep growing together, sister!


  17. Sam

    The most intelligent way to deal with abortion is prevention. But I never hear that subject discussed.
    Sadly, that’s the reason why we as individuals and a nation have to deal with the consequences. Let’s start talking about prevention. Let’s make it more talked about than we are talking about abortion now.


  18. MJN

    I agree. I have one question for clarification; I suspect the harsh treatment of unwed mothers has come about as a method of discouraging pre-marital sex (which is generally harmful, not just to the mother and child, but too society as a whole). How do we, as a society, discourage pre-marital sex without encouraging young women from turning to abortion as a solution


    1. Paul B

      You have some good thoughts. I wish you had spent some time highlighting the many compassion ministries in nearly every city that engage in compassionate ministry to women in crisis situations. In my 25 years experience as a pastor I have known many more people involved in these ministries than people involved in protests. But the protesters get more coverage for twice a year events than these compassionate people receive for their daily compassionate ministry.


      1. Paul,
        I know the ministries are out there! My university even sponsored one– although it came with clauses, such as you have to give the baby up for adoption.
        I didn’t expect this post to blow up like it has… I thought it would stay pretty local, and I don’t know of any ministries near me that provide these services. (I’m not saying that they don’t exist, but they definitely aren’t well advertised.) I know many major cities and churches DO have these ministries.

        Part of what prompted me to write this posts was to create a voice for the quiet, compassionate people who are ministering behind the scenes. I know they’re out there!


  19. Dawn McMinn

    I am involved in the prolife movement, it is much more than marches (though I do that too) it is educating society, your local right to life groups do that, (views are changing, a majority of people now support restrictions on most abortions).Many tighter restrictions are made in many states because of these groups. It is the groups that help suicidal and grieving mothers, the pregnancy assistance centers that help mothers who choose life, (parenting classes, baby showers, all kind of support) so many different groups, people who help nurses and doctors come out of the abortion industry. Forty days for life, Christians praying and sharing the love of Jesus, people getting saved.
    I, like you have seen people comment and call people murderers,but in my experience it doesn’t come from people who are active in the movement, just onlookers. If you are a true follower you have no excuse not to be involved in this, in some way.
    When Christians are silent we get the murder of 6 million Jews and 60 million babies. What ever you legalize you get more of. We have to change the laws, call your representatives. Do everything in love, but do something.


  20. I understand and appreciate both sides of this argument. I understand that people believe that life begins at conception. I also understand that people don’t have that same view of things.
    I agree that the argument is doing more harm than good. I would venture to guess that all of the women that may have to make this difficult decision did not do so with nefarious intentions. They are making a personal choice because of a situation that they did not plan for. Those situations vary and we should not judge how and why those situations are there.
    If we want to put an end to abortion, we need to teach our children. As we all know, children by and large do not abide by scripture and will do things we as parents do not agree with. We can tell them til were blue in the face to abstain from sex or avoid drinking etc. We also know they are going to do it regardless of what we say. Our job is to give them the tools and education when they make those choices. Let make a choice to not teach abstinence only sex education in schools, let’s not teach it at home. Make it the prefferable choice but give them the tools and education to choice and allow access to birth control. Let’s stop pretending they are going to follow ours or gods words and prepare them. Being ignorant will not lower the abortion rate. Education and access to affordable birth control does. It’s been proven time and time again.


  21. Something to think about:

    “Stop focusing on changing the law and focus on changing people’s hearts for Christ” is a false dichotomy.

    And a pretty bad one.

    Changing the law and changing people’s hearts for Christ are not mutually exclusive goals.
    Part of the “change of heart” that needs to happen is recognizing murder as murder and having the law deal with it as such.

    I don’t mean to be antagonistic (seriously, I do not), but I believe this article misses this very important mark.

    The idea of presenting love based solutions I can get behind.

    But it will never be love to stop proclaiming against the horrors of the abortion holocaust.

    Hopefully my words will have persuasive power.


    1. Jon,

      I don’t disagree with the sentiment you expressed! I don’t believe that Christians should ever pretend that abortions are acceptable. Honestly, I am almost crying right now as I think about the pain and suffering these children are put through. And I did not mean to suggest that it was impossible to focus on both the law and the heart.

      However, let me elaborate on my thinking a little bit. The laws in the US are created/interpreted/enforced by a small group of elected/appointed politicians. These politicians are expected to represent the people of the US. If the laws they make don’t line up with the desires of the people, then these politicians may be out of a job. To me, it seems like most politicians are much more focused on getting reelected than on following a moral code. When we focus on changing the law, we are focusing on these select few who don’t interact with many of us on a personal level.

      When we focus on changing the heart, we are focused on the voters who are pro-choice. We want to change their minds. We want to make them comfortable with the idea of outlawing abortion. These are people we can interact with on a personal level. These are people who can know our hearts. If we can get these people on our side, then suddenly we have a much larger group of pro-life voters. If these people can write to their Senate and say, “Hey, I used to argue that I needed abortion-rights so that I could protect my body. But now there are so many other programs and supports in place that I feel secure and protected. Abortion-rights no longer need to exist.” If these people join the pro-life side, suddenly the pro-life movement is so huge that the politicians can’t ignore it. Suddenly, the majority of their voters are pro-life. Suddenly, the law is changed.

      When I say, “Stop focusing on changing the law,” I don’t mean that the law is acceptable in the eyes of God. I don’t mean that it is wrong to change the law. But the law will never be changed if we don’t change people’s hearts first. It isn’t enough to change the law— changing hearts is more important. If you change the law but don’t change the heart, then abortion will still occur. (I believe part of the early pro-abortion movement was led under the guise that many women were being injured/killed by backwoods abortion clinics, but I need to fact-check that.) If you change the heart first, then it doesn’t matter what the law says. The abortion rates will drop significantly. Ideally, to zero. People won’t need or desire pro-choice laws.

      Thank you for your comment! You gave me an opportunity to think through my own reasoning more thoroughly. If I rewrote this article, that is potentially a point I would want to elaborate on. I hope what I said makes sense.


      1. Diana F

        Kristen, I responded to Jon’s reply before reading yours to him. Your thoughts about the WAY to change the law makes so much sense to me. How I appreciate your humility and willingness to elaborate on this idea as you can see from my comment to Jon, I took your original statement on this concept about the law as he did. Now I can see your thought processes are much deeper and reasonable. I join you in this endeavor to talk with people in my sphere of influence about this issue with the prayer and hope that the Holy Spirit will bring about true heart change! Let’s keep growing together!


    2. Diana F

      Agree, Jon Davis Jr. It’s not one or the other. I think of Martin Luther King’s “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” in which he spoke about a “non-violent resistance to racism” which was a stance against unjust racial laws. In the same line of thought & heart of faith in Christ, it would seem we need to take a stand against the unjust laws of abortion. That is to be coupled with the need to walk with those in difficult circumstances with a humble and merciful attitude and acts. I see and love Kristen’s gift of mercy and know from experience how we with that gift need reminders of the other side of the road, so that we offer “mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh” (Jude 1:23).


  22. Meredith Hall

    This is a great article. I think what makes me sad is your reference to pro-lifers only caring about the baby. Of course they do but so many of the pro-lifers I know and everyone at the pro-life clinic I work for and surrounding pregnancy clinics, care tremendously about the mother and provide multiple resources and help. I do believe these mom’s are in situations that push them to make a choice in fear instead of in truth and that makes my heart so incredibly sad. I see it daily on their faces but I also see the complete joy when they decide to carry the baby. Their circumstances don’t change but the heaviness of the decision is lifted and they have a whole new lease on life. It’s like they can deal with anything now that they have chosen life for their baby. Really, they chose life for themselves. I am not saying there aren’t chistians/prolifers don’t fit your description above. There are many that are not loving and understanding and have a hard time speaking truth in love. So I hope and pray believers in Christ seek out Women’s clinics that want to love and serve the mom’s and the father’s and their babies. Thanks for such a great article. Thanks for keeping the it real and open. Looking forward to meeting you one day, in Heaven or as sisters on mission!


  23. Jase

    I would TRULY (not intending any fight) like to know how any of you can espouse that God considers abortion wrong with the scriptures I’ll list below. Please, something other than the weak apologetics that I’m used to hearing (e.g. those people groups would have led Israel astray if they’d been allowed to live… and they did allow some to live, and they did lead Israel astray. And an omniscient God would know that was going to happen… so he allowed those children to die for no reason).
    1 Samuel 15:2-3 “God commanded Saul and the Israelites, “…Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants’”
    Hosea 13:16 “The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open.”
    2 Samuel 12:15&18 “The Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill… On the seventh day the child died.”
    Deuteronomy 20:16-17 “Do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them — the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites — as the LORD your God has commanded you.”
    (Obviously, there were certainly children and pregnant mothers throughout these people groups.)
    It baffles me to think that Christians tout such strong convictions, so sure of themselves, when they have a book that records such atrocities. Over and over again we see life, even children and the unborn, have no worth when it is an “other.” We only care when it’s our nation, our church. Others be damned.


  24. Tovah Sher

    Do go to the website of Be’ad Chayim (Hebrew meaning “For Life”), a Messianic Jewish organisation that comes alongside unwed mothers who have contemplated abortion. Be’ad Chayim shows them there is another way and provides practical and financial help for the mothers. Many become believers in Yeshua (Jesus) Some of the stories are amazing. I’m sur many churches have programs like this. At least, I hope so.


  25. Mother of Sons

    Thank you for the excellent and well written blog. I have one question, however: why does it seem like this is a problem only for women to deal with? It takes a man to get a woman pregnant–why is our culture so willing to brush that aside and act like men have neither culpability nor shame? As the mother of sons, I am teaching my boys the importance of chastity, and I hope many others are doing the same. But if we really want abortion to go away, we need to find cultural, moral, and legal ways to stop it from being a “women’s” issue and make (unexpected) pregnancy into something we ALL have to deal with.


  26. Travis

    I love this article because it is a wonderful introduction to massive, massive evil in our country. But how can we not even mention the fact that Christians don’t and won’t adopt. Like if WE REALLY HATE ABORTION THEN WE WILL BE TAKING IN THE BABIES WHO WOUOD OTHERWISE GET ABORTED. There are 200 million professed Christians in the U.S. and 100 million professed Christian families. If EVERY 10th family of us adopted one kid, there would be enough families to adopt every child aborted last year in the US, UK, Canada, and Japan COMBINED!!! DONT “LAMENT” IF YOU HAVE THE MEANS TO ADOPT AND WONT!


  27. Emily

    Hi Kristen! First, I want to thank you for posting this blog as it does challenge Christians to think about how they present themselves when discussing a tug at the heart issue such as abortion. My wish is to expose what abortion is because not only do I care for the unborn child, a person who is utterly defenseless and voiceless but I also care for the mother and the future of humanity moving forward. My intentions are out of love and encouragement but I also wish to share the Truth. That every human being, unborn or born, is made in the Image of God. The Truth that abortion is murder. God came to save His people but He didn’t gloss over His Truth so people would be less hurt or offended by it. Just how far must consequences be limited verbally to women before babies are being left to die outside the womb? When suicide and depression rates continue to increase in women who have had and will have abortions in the future? Do you think women are aware of their options? That there are families waiting to adopt and to welcome someone into their arms etc? The majority of abortions are performed on unplanned pregnancies with women outside of wedlock. Being pregnant holds an entirely new responsibility but that responsibility should always be a present reminder when you decide to have sex, even if you have done everything possible to make sure you wouldn’t end up pregnant. Do you think that by choosing abortion, women are choosing the easy way out? How do you suggest we change this when our modern culture encourages give and take, me-first-me first, hook-ups, fathers not being present and sex not needing to mean anything to the majority of the population? The Pro-Life community is trying to reach women and encourage them to seek help and to find better options. Women who have had abortions need to have their voices heard and to know that their stories can change lives as well. I think our goals align but just how we express them are a bit different. I want the Truth to be heard and it can be a hard Truth but it’s certainly changing many lives as more people are realizing that this is not the first time an attack on humanity has been tolerated and it certainly won’t be the last. I thank your for your time and I hope we can catch up again.


  28. Anonymous

    Most off the points were meaningful and touched me and hit a nail on the head. 43 years ago I became pregnant, decided on an abortion. My mother found out and helped me arrange it with a Dr. I had it because I didn’t know or understand what to do. This boy and I broke up and this Christian girl didn’t want to cause shame to her family. My mother died 4 years ago and we never spoke of the abortion again in all those years. It is sad but the 70’s taught you it was okay. I have married and have 2 great kids. I just never knew how to deal with telling others so I never shared it much. Lots os shame comes from within and without. The article was good on many points, even if I didn’t agree with all.. Thanks


  29. Anonymous

    Being a physician, I had Patients come to me asking for an abortion. Knowing that these women had already wrestled with the decision to have an abortion, I gentley asked them If they were sure, and If they were I gave them the Name/ names of physicians who would at least respect them for their decision. There are many who don’t! At the end of our talk, some would cry on MY shoulder. These are TOUGH decisions to make..NEVER EASY !!!!


  30. Heather Alexander

    First I would like to say, this is very well written and I thank you for saying it. As a non Christian (I wanted that stated up front), I agree with everything you said, religious differences aside. I too believe that abortion is murder, but I am pro-choice. I have always and will always support a woman’s right to choose, even though abortion is something I would never consider for myself. To some of you who want to change the law, I would like you to consider this, long ago, abortion was illegal, yet women/girls still found ways to get them illegally, killing some of them, rendering others sterile. It will happen again if we make it illegal, do we really want to chance that? I know I don’t, I’d rather these women and our future women, to be able to stay safe, healthy and alive, regardless of their choice. I also feel that those who would like to make abortion illegal again and force a woman to bear a child she doesn’t want, needs to be willing to adopt four or five of those unwanted children, whether they have children of their own or not. Every child deserves to be loved, wanted, have a family and a home.The law may be able to force women to have their babies, but none of us can force a woman to love their child and our foster care system is already so full of unwanted, unloved children of all ages. You don’t have to be a Christian to have morals and know what is right, and that would be the right thing to do to help abortion stop needing to be an option for some women.


  31. Anonymous

    I hesitate to comment for fear of being accused of being pro choice, which goes against everything I believe in. However, there is more to this issue than what is being discussed.
    Many years ago, I worked for a government agency, helping underprivileged young folks to become trained & find employment.
    Coming from a privileged environment, as most of us enjoy, I got an education on how others live.
    I dealt with young girls that had a baby just to have someone to love that would love them. On the other hand, girls pregnant with no means to provide a home for themselves, let alone a baby. And, the worst were those addicted to hard drugs that could care less about caring for a baby.
    Unwanted babies become unwanted, unloved, neglected, sometimes, abused children that grow up to be desperate teens seeking love and acceptance anywhere they can find it. This leads them to criminal gangs & prison, or death.
    So, what is worse? Should we have as much compassion for children as we do for the baby?


  32. Andi

    Beautiful! My birth mother was raped, she was fourteen, and my grandmother wanted the family doctor to abort me. This was 1965 when abortion was illegal. My 14 year old mother said NO, carried me to term and put me up for adoption. I had a wonderful life and when I located her in 1992 she hadn’t hidden me from her children they celebrated my birthday every year just like a member of the family.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. We’ll gladly help young girls in trouble, and we do. We don’t hate them. We love them. We’ll gladly teach post-abortive women about mercy, and we do. We don’t judge them. We’ll gladly place all the unwanted children in loving nurturing families. Please send them to us. All of them. Just don’t kill the babies.

    Liked by 1 person

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